All roads lead to me
Just looking at the server logs for Trouble Sells to see what brings people to my humble cultural mecca.
You will be glad to know that “earth in trouble in october” typed into Google presents my site as the top listing.
Also, some soul’s quest to know “why women are stupid” yielded a visit to my site.
The intriguing phrase, “love in a deli a story”, brought a seeker to know more about chicken rolls than was previously thought possible.
A literary scholar searching for “Balzac and women” found out about a drunk guy getting head in a station wagon.
Perhaps more predictably, those looking for “pervert staring” and “pervert on a train” found me. But so did dozens of those wondering “how to write a novel.”
For the epicurean set, “drinking whiskey” and “drinking scotch” were both hits. But so was “girl drinking whiskey straight,” keywords from a future editorial assistant no doubt. But I draw the line at “unconscious drunk women” and plenty of variants.
My site was the target for “Americans [sic] obsessiveness [sic] with being thin” as well as “ugliest people.” It was viewed by those looking for “stupid things i have done,” “women that made things,” and “gerund.”
Also “something sweet to say to a date.” Also “stupid things men say to women” and “things men have done for women.” Also “kiss me she sa” [sic]. Also “First Women [sic] To Write A Novel.”
Many futures traders looking up “light sweet crude” and “commodities analyst” found out about the girl I couldn’t sleep with in college. But they couldn’t have been as disappointed as those looking for “real cleavage.”
Also “i remember the stupid things” and “japan is weird.” Also “in vino veritas” and “How Many Shots Can Get You Drunk.” Also “attack of the woman dvd vhs buy.”
Also a lot of hits for “wonderful town,” and in what I feel may be the responsibility of one of you, plenty on “chicken rolls.”
We had a hit each from “teacher trouble” and “slurping soup” and “celebrity hiding in a paper bag to avoid photographers.” And of course, “kissed bitches foot unconscious.” And, “what does the name Nicky mean.”
Also a truly stunning number of variations on the concept of “ugly people,” which basically proves the whole thesis of The Ugly Reader. Everything from “ugly person contest” to “truly ugly people” to “fat people fashion photography” to “city with the ugliest people” (my favorite) to “ugliest person in the world.”
Perhaps I’m proudest that we had a hit on “Paul Tsongas.” Unless I typed that one myself. But no, there’s a lot of Tsongas in there, including “bill clinton and paul tsongas and super tuesday 1992,” leading me to think I will be cited in a dissertation. However, in all the shame that porno searching brings to my log, I feel no shame deeper than “paul tsongas homosexuality,” unless it’s “tits ludivine,” which came up twice. She does have nice tits, though.
We got a hit on “trouble or nothing,” which is witty, though apparently the name of a romance novel. And a lot from “the damned human race,” which means Twain scholars now know about me, his heir.
“Bitches Bette Midler” brought me into someone’s life, as did “THE ENEMY YOU KNOW.” But what does “corn dog man” mean? Or “movie girl makes and sells chocolate”?
Another seeker asked “which faces are considered universally beautiful” while some were content to find “I can’t stay hard advice.” At least a few looking for info on “lost in translation” found mine, but so did those looking for “hand up her blouse.” As well as “Paper sack industry” and “sexy woman operating machinery” and “lightbox parallel universe.”
In other words, I’ve got a search log that looks like America.
Thank you for your attention.
by Jack, February 1, 2004 11:47 AM | More from Foundational Issues
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Ha, I just discovered your page today... I Googled Paul Tsongas cuz I've missed the guy these past few months. I had a crush on him as a teenager cuz I loved his voice.
I also found campaign buttons for sale on eBay with the phrase "Tcitizens for Tsongas." I love that.
-nx
Thanks, Nat, for helping making my site the Paul Tsongas shrine that it was always meant to be.
In other news, I just checked out "wonderful town" on Google. You've got to make it to the middle of the sixteenth page to find my allusion to that fine work, but people nonetheless do. Isn't that wonderful in its own way?
Also, let me clarify. I did not mean one should type the phrases above into Google in quotation marks. Just type them in without quotation marks, and slog through the beautiful confusion. Using quotation marks will most likely bring you to this page. That isn't what we're talking about. We're talking about the web searches of people who aren't that sure about what they want. They don't define precise strings. But we get them nonetheless.
Speak to you all soon.