Serial monotony
People, people. What is with your blogs? I understand the motivations of those who are writing purely diaristic reportage on their daily trips to junior high. That’s normal low-grade egotism, and self-expression, however dull, is a vital element of a developing personality. What concerns me is the situation with those who should know better: adults with well-designed, commercially-hosted sites who have absolutely nothing at all to say.
I know that was the case before you began your blog, but blogging does not cover up this particular multitude of sins. I know we now have the technology to allow you to be boring on an international, one-to-many scale. In no way should this be construed as an obligation.
Check this. I don’t want to see a blog where a majority of the entries are links to other sites. If they are links to an interesting entry by a fellow blogger, that is already uninteresting on a constant basis, but enough — right now — with blog equivalents of email forwards. No more “check out this wild shit.” Also, if they are the same links that anyone in your “blogroll” is also featuring that day, kill yourself. Extra negative points if it’s that Baptist church thing. GOD HATES BLOGS.
You know what else I don’t want to see? I don’t want to see entries on cool shit you bought. I don’t want to see pictures of your new stereo, computer, iPod, mail-order spouse. We know what they look like, and that rich people buy them. Sure, you can gloat to your friends about consumer purchases, but we are not your friends. We are here to be educated and entertained by quirky worldviews. I don’t want to see “ironic” reviews of substandard products. In fact, I don’t want to see products at all. This is America. We know where to find products already, and it ain’t on asshat3000.blogspot.sucker.
The idea is, either you have something to say about your observations on life, or shut up. Except Neal Pollack. You’re all right.
Blogs are a rare opportunity to find out about the lives of strangers, in all their infinite mystery. Guess what I found out? You strangers are the intellectual and emotional equivalents of a strip mall, and not the conveniently-located one either. At least disguise this fact a little. I’m not going to pass judgment on whether your private thoughts, yearnings, hopes, and passions are worth sharing, although it’s my deep belief that they must be. But I am going to suggest you start talking about something like that soon, because ABC Television already has a department for promoting their programs.
Let’s see those blogs shape up, folks. I know you can do it. I’m asking nicely this time.
by Jack, November 9, 2003 7:27 PM | More from Foundational Issues
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Finally - I agree with Jack on something. Except this bit:
You strangers are the intellectual and emotional equivalents of a strip mall, and not the conveniently-located one either.
To the contrary - these derelict blogs are all TOO convenient. It's as though someone smacked a strip mall down in Times Square. Which is already happening, anyway.
More to the point, the only blogger on Earth I specifically commended, Neal Pollack, quit blogging a couple days later. Don't know my own strength.